As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. John 15:9
Understanding the grief of losing a loved one
Whatever your relationship to the person who passed away, it’s important to remember that we all grieve in different ways. There’s no single way to react. When you lose someone important in your life, it’s okay to feel how you feel. Some people express their pain by crying, others never shed a tear—but that doesn’t mean they feel the loss any less.
Don’t judge yourself, think that you should be behaving in a different way, or try to impose a timetable on your grief. Grieving someone’s death takes time. For some people, that time is measured in weeks or months, for others it’s in years.
Allow yourself to feel. The bereavement and mourning process can trigger many intense and unexpected emotions. But the pain of your grief won’t go away faster if you ignore it. In fact, trying to do so may only make things worse in the long run. To eventually find a way to come to terms with your loss, you’ll need to actively face the pain. As bereavement counselor and writer Earl Grollman put it, “The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Grief doesn’t always move through stages. You may have read about the different “stages of grief”—usually denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, many people find that grief following the death of a loved one isn’t nearly that predictable. For some, grief can come in waves or feel more like an emotional rollercoaster. For others, it can move through some stages but not others. Don’t think that you should be feeling a certain way at a certain time.
Prepare for painful reminders. Some days the pain of your bereavement may seem more manageable than others. Then a reminder such as a photo, a piece of music, or a simple memory can trigger a wave of painful emotions again. While you can’t plan ahead for such reminders, you can be prepared for an upcoming holiday, anniversary, or birthday that may reignite your grief. Talk to other friends and family ahead of time and agree on the best ways to mark such occasions.
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. Finding a way to continue forward with your life doesn’t mean your pain will end or your loved one will be forgotten. Most of us carry our losses with us throughout life; they become part of who we are. The pain should gradually become easier to bear, but the memories and the love you had for the person will always remain.
By Lawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A. – HelpGuide.org
Hororning our Veterans on Memorial Day
The staff at Franzen-Davis volunteered to help the American Legion place flags on the graves of our deceased Vets and then later attended the ceremony at Mountain view Cemetery this past Memorial Day.
New President of the Montana Funeral Directors Association
Axelson Funeral & Cremation Services in Butte Funeral Director and Owner, Bri Mulvaney, was sworn in as President of the Montana Funeral Directors Association this past week during the annual convention at the Northern Hotel in Billings, Montana. Bri has been dedicated to the funeral industry since 2014, beginning her career in Helena with the Stevenson family and Randy Wilke. She graduated from American Academy McAllister Institute in 2016 with a Mortuary Science degree and became a licensed mortician in 2017. We are so very proud of Bri and her new position at the MFDA!
How Can We Better Serve You
All of the Stevenson & Sons Funeral Homes regularly contact those we have recently served and request their comments and suggestions regarding the services they received. We consider this to be one of the most important steps we take to improve our service to the community. Without the comments and suggestions from those who we’ve served, we would not be able to continuously improve and expand our services.
Below, for the next few Newsletters, we’ll be posting some of the written comments we have received over the years. We’ll also let you know which of the Stevenson & Sons Funeral Homes received the comment(s).
Received at Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home
Mikel and Josie were wonderful to work with, so caring and respectful. Very much appreciated them during that time!
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Chris was wonderful to work with. He did everything he said he would do, every time. He walked my mom and I through everything we needed to do and know. He was always professional and courteous.
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Joe and the ASW staff was excellent! My husbands passing was sudden and we had no experience planning a funeral. Joe and the staff showed so much compassion for our family. We are forever grateful.
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Randy was not only professional, but very kind, compassionate and responsive. He went beyond expectations to take care of us after the passing of our father.
GriefSteps® — A Year of Grief Support
Sign up for one year of weekly grief messages designed to provide strength and comfort during this challenging time. Sign up here.
Planning Ahead
More and more people are realizing the many advantages of prearranging their funerals. The process is simple, and the benefits to the loved ones who are left to handle the arrangements are very well recognized and appreciated. To accommodate the growing need for professional pre-planning support, we provide highly trained and experienced Pre-Need Counselors at Stevenson & Sons:
Lynn Anderson in Miles City, Montana • 406-232-4457
Natalie Boey in Helena, Montana • 406-442-8520
Steve Pearce in Williston, North Dakota • 701-572-6329
Some of the benefits of prearranging are:
Pre-planning allows you to express your own wishes • It means that your loved ones will not have to make a number of important decisions during a time of mourning • Your funeral plan is transferable, in case you move away • It relieves your family of the financial burden • It allows your loved ones to spend their time comforting each other during a time of grief, instead of concerning themselves with the specifics of the arrangements • When pre-planning, there are both guaranteed and non-guaranteed plans available to choose from • It allows you the opportunity to discuss your final arrangements with family members to ensure clarity, and to ensure that those responsible are comfortable with all of your decisions.
If you’d like to know more, we recommend visiting: https://www.whypreplan.org/
Funeral Planning Aid
We frequently receive questions regarding what the person responsible for making funeral arrangements should expect. Since we’ve received so many requests for this information, we are placing a link which allows our newsletter subscribers to download a complete copy of our Funeral Planning Aid. The informative article is presented as a PDF – simply click the PDF Button below to access it. That way, if you wish, you may keep it on your computer for future reference or sharing with others. If after you read the article, you have any questions, please contact one of our pre-planning professionals: Lynn Anderson in Miles City, Montana at 406-232-4457 • Steve Pearce Williston, North Dakota at 701-572-6329 • Natalie Boey in Helena, Montana at 406-442-8520. To download the Funeral Planning aid PDF CLICK HERE.
Who’s eligible for Military Funeral Honors?
- Military members on active duty or in the Selected Reserve.
- Former military members who served on active duty and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
- Former military members who completed at least one term of enlistment or period of initial obligated service in the Selected Reserve and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
- Former military members discharged from the Selected Reserve due to a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty.
How to establish veteran eligibility
Submit the DD Form 214. The DD Form 214 may be obtained by filing a completed Standard Form 180 with: National Personnel Records Center(NPRC) • 9700 Page Blvd. • St. Louis, MO 63132. The Standard Form 180 may be obtained from: http://www.archives.gov/research/order/standard-form-180.pdf
Headstones for Veterans
For complete information and ordering, please visit: Legislative Changes Concerning Eligibility for Headstones, Markers and Medallions – National Cemetery Administration (va.gov)
Supporting Others
If you know someone who would benefit from the uplifting messages and support information we provide in these monthly newsletters, they can sign up to receive their own copy here. It’s a great way to lend your support to a friend or a family member.
Financial Assistance
If you lost a loved one due to Covid-19, you may qualify for financial assistance for your family’s funeral expenses. Click here to find out more information. Recently posted on the FEMA Covid-19 Funeral Assistance page: The COVID-19 incident period ended on May 11, 2023. FEMA will continue to provide funeral assistance until Sept. 30, 2025, to those who have lost loved ones due to this pandemic.
