Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:19
Sending Your Condolences
When any of us suffer the loss of a friend or family member, we feel compelled to express our sympathy to those closest to the loss—while also acknowledging our own feelings of grief.
Sometimes it’s easy to identify who may be suffering the greatest loss. For example, when an elderly woman loses her husband of 50 years, she will almost certainly bear the deepest sorrow. Their children, and perhaps siblings of the deceased, may also be grieving profoundly. Still, coworkers, fishing buddies, neighbors, and even casual friends often feel a genuine sense of loss and a sincere desire to express their condolences—most often to the surviving spouse.
Very few of us possess the ability to sit down and write a truly moving, heartfelt letter of condolence—the kind many believe is the “proper” way to express sympathy and personal grief. We frequently receive calls from people seeking help composing such a letter or note. Below are a few suggestions and considerations to keep in mind when tackling this very difficult, yet very important, task.
Less is usually more. In most cases, a card is preferable to a letter. If you feel strongly compelled to write a letter, your writing abilities likely extend well beyond the scope of this article.
Avoid clichés. Overused phrases can feel impersonal, even when well intentioned.
Let the card do the heavy lifting. Reputable card producers, such as Hallmark, offer thoughtfully written messages that have stood the test of time. Take care in choosing a card that best reflects your feelings. Then add a brief, handwritten note and your signature.
Sign thoughtfully. Using only your first name can feel more personal, but it’s not always practical. If you have a common first name, include your last name—the recipient will appreciate knowing exactly who the card is from.
Handwrite whenever possible. Handwrite both the note and the address on the envelope. Avoid computer printouts or mailing labels. If handwriting is difficult due to physical limitations, typing—or asking a trusted friend to write for you—is perfectly appropriate.
Consider a brief voice message in rare cases. A short telephone message expressing your thoughts and feelings can be meaningful. In today’s world of recorded messages and digital communication, this approach has become more socially acceptable. A voice can convey sincerity and emotion in ways written words sometimes cannot.
Use text messages cautiously. While opinions are changing, we generally do not recommend text messaging for condolences. This popular form of communication is still widely viewed as impersonal during times of loss.
Of course, it’s impossible to cover every situation or nuance surrounding expressions of sympathy. That said, we hope this brief article helps you choose an approach that feels respectful, sincere, and appropriate for your circumstances.
Tackle Cancer, Viking Style
This year marks Fulkerson Stevenson Funeral Home’s 8th year participating in Bras for a Cause, and we’re thrilled to share that our creation was auctioned for $1,400!
Bras for a Cause is a local non-profit dedicated to supporting individuals in Williston and the surrounding communities who are battling cancer. We are incredibly proud to stand behind such a meaningful organization and grateful for the opportunity to help make a positive difference in our community. 💗
Football Themed Tribute
A meaningful tribute during the family receives friends for Marla Pluhar of Jordan. A proud Griz fan, her love for the Griz was honored with a football-themed tribute. At Stevenson & Sons Funeral Homes, we are always ready to help families create a personal and heartfelt tribute that truly reflects the life and passions of their loved one.
Are There Stages of Grief?
Watch the GriefShare video to learn more about the stages of grief you may experience as you navigate the days following the loss of your loved one.
How Can We Better Serve You
All of the Stevenson & Sons Funeral Homes regularly contact those we have recently served and request their comments and suggestions regarding the services they received. We consider this to be one of the most important steps we take to improve our service to the community. Without the comments and suggestions from those who we’ve served, we would not be able to continuously improve and expand our services.
Below, for the next few Newsletters, we’ll be posting some of the written comments we have received over the years. We’ll also let you know which of the Stevenson & Sons Funeral Homes received the comment(s).
Comments sent to Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home in Helena
Thank you so much for helping us and your generous support of families who lose a child. We would be lost without you!
Nick was wonderful to work with. He went above and beyond!
As with my mom, Chris and his staff took care of everything, and that is priceless!
Randy and staff made everything so easy for our family.
We were pleased with the services you provided; you will have our recommendation going forward. The staff helped make a difficult situation more bearable. Thank you.
Randy is beyond amazing. He made me feel we were the most important thing on his agenda with every call or meeting. (Even though he has a very full plate) Thank you!
Nick and Jenny were so helpful and offered suggestions to make mom’s celebration of life beautiful and meaningful. Thank you.
GriefShare® — Daily Emails
When a loved one dies, grieving that loss can take a long time, but you are not alone. GriefShare is here with support groups, and now daily emails, that provide encouragement and reminders of the recovery process. Sign up here.
Planning Ahead
More and more people are realizing the many advantages of prearranging their funerals. The process is simple, and the benefits to the loved ones who are left to handle the arrangements are very well recognized and appreciated. To accommodate the growing need for professional pre-planning support, we provide highly trained and experienced Pre-Need Counselors at Stevenson & Sons:
Lynn Anderson in Miles City, Montana • 406-232-4457
Shera Konen in Butte, Montana • 406-494-4264
Steve Pearce in Williston, North Dakota • 701-572-6329
Some of the benefits of prearranging are:
Pre-planning allows you to express your own wishes • It means that your loved ones will not have to make a number of important decisions during a time of mourning • Your funeral plan is transferable, in case you move away • It relieves your family of the financial burden • It allows your loved ones to spend their time comforting each other during a time of grief, instead of concerning themselves with the specifics of the arrangements • When pre-planning, there are both guaranteed and non-guaranteed plans available to choose from • It allows you the opportunity to discuss your final arrangements with family members to ensure clarity, and to ensure that those responsible are comfortable with all of your decisions.
If you’d like to know more, we recommend visiting: https://www.whypreplan.org/
Funeral Planning Aid
We frequently receive questions regarding what the person responsible for making funeral arrangements should expect. Since we’ve received so many requests for this information, we are placing a link which allows our newsletter subscribers to download a complete copy of our Funeral Planning Aid. The informative article is presented as a PDF – simply click the PDF Button below to access it. That way, if you wish, you may keep it on your computer for future reference or sharing with others. If after you read the article, you have any questions, please contact one of our pre-planning professionals: Lynn Anderson in Miles City, Montana at 406-232-4457 • Shera Konen, Butte, Montana at 406-494-4264 • Steve Pearce Williston, North Dakota at 701-572-6329. To download the Funeral Planning aid PDF CLICK HERE.
Who’s eligible for Military Funeral Honors?
- Military members on active duty or in the Selected Reserve.
- Former military members who served on active duty and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
- Former military members who completed at least one term of enlistment or period of initial obligated service in the Selected Reserve and departed under conditions other than dishonorable.
- Former military members discharged from the Selected Reserve due to a disability incurred or aggravated in the line of duty.
How to establish veteran eligibility
Submit the DD Form 214. The DD Form 214 may be obtained by filing a completed Standard Form 180 with: National Personnel Records Center(NPRC) • 9700 Page Blvd. • St. Louis, MO 63132. The Standard Form 180 may be obtained from: http://www.archives.gov/research/order/standard-form-180.pdf
Headstones for Veterans
For complete information and ordering, please visit: Legislative Changes Concerning Eligibility for Headstones, Markers and Medallions – National Cemetery Administration (va.gov)
Supporting Others
If you know someone who would benefit from the uplifting messages and support information we provide in these monthly newsletters, they can sign up to receive their own copy here. It’s a great way to lend your support to a friend or a family member.
